On the 25th of August Stephen made me go to my GP as I had over 100 panic attacks in less than 48 hours. He tried ringing and left a message on the nurses answer phone. When we got into Palmerston North, we went around to Stephens’s dads place and Stephen tried ringing again. We hadn’t heard anything by 2.15pm so we headed over to Best Care in Maxwell’s Line.
Stephen went in and asked if they had any appointments with the doctor left. They had one for 2.40pm so he took that one. We sat in the car and talked until it was time to go in. He wasn’t sure what doctor I was seeing. But I was cool with who ever, I was pretty much past giving a fuck at that time.
I stuck a Dr Keri Ratima who was to my surprise was actually pretty awesome and easy going. She is an older Maori woman and very well spoken. I actually like her and liked the way she was willing to help.
Stephen and I told her what had been happening and she actually took note. She asked questions, I answered honesty.
We also told her that I was on Mirtazapine but haven’t taken it for about a week at that stage. Stephen told her how it was affecting my moods etc and I have been so much calmer without it and that we had tried to tell Dr Mohamed Abdelhady but he seemed not to listen about the effects it was having on me.
Dr Keri Ratima agreed that it was the right med for me and we decided to give Amitriptyline a try. She started me on 75mg. She said that she wanted to see me again in a week time and it had to be on a Thursday as she is only at Best Care on a Thursday.
She tried to ring Maxine from mental health and got the answer phone. So she left a message for Maxine to get hold of me to let me know how to change doctors with them. And also to give her a ring and she was only available on Thursdays at Best care. Dr Keri Ratima said that on their answer phone said that they had training that day.
Dr Keri Ratima also did a Green Prescription for 15 minutes, light walking for 7 days a week and the medical condition she put it under depression/anxiety. I hadn’t managed to really do this all week as by Friday morning I had come down sick.
Dr Keri Ratima also did this depression test thing that helps GP’s to know how serious the depression is in someone and what medications would suit. My one came back as to having serious depression. She asked me how I was feeling at the time, I told her and she was a bit worried as I was at the border line of being suicidal. She said to me that if I found myself making a plan of harming myself, I need to ring crisis team before it gets to the point that I do end up harming myself.
Being sick all week and being on Amitriptyline, I slept heaps. Sleep had come really easy which in a lot of ways is good as it was giving my body time to heal from being sick physically and mentally.
I made another appointment with Dr Keri Ratima for Thursday 1st of September 2011 at 12.20pm.
Stephen has noticed the big different in me in general. He said that since I have been off Mirtazapine and he said that he is sure that the Amitriptyline is kicking in as I have been that little calmer since I’ve been on it and I don’t seem to be down as bad as I have leading up to being put onto Amitriptyline.
On Wednesday the 31st of August I hadn’t heard from Maxine so I rang Mental Health. She wasn’t in the office so I left her a message to ring me back. When Maxine rang back, I asked her how do I get on with changing doctors and she got really bitchy with me. Maxine said that I really can’t change doctors even after me telling her what happen. She also said that if the change did happen it was up to the doctor I was under. But she did say that she will talk to the doctors in the morning.
Stephen notices the shift in my mood after speaking to Maxine. My mood had gone a lot lower than it was just before Maxine rang. Honesty dealing with mental health has been so stressful. I don’t know what is worst, depression or dealing with mental health. I felt like I was stuck in between a hard place and a rock and not knowing where to turn from here. I am so sick of the way mental health is treating me. It is going to get to the point where I am just going to really snap and the Horowhenua Mental Health Team is going to cop it all from me. It is only going to be a matter of time when and where it is going to happen. And what the outcome of it all is.
In the last week my moods have been better, I wouldn’t say my moods have been the best but has been better than it has been for a few weeks. I still am down but not as bad if that makes sense. But I have a long way to go but time is the key I think.
Part from Maxine pissing me off with what she said, the only other thing that has got under my skin this week was that the hospital cancels an appointment with the Gynaecology clinic on Tuesday morning. I had an appointment for Tuesday the 30th of august at 11am. The only reason they gave me was that the doctor decided that he didn’t want to drive down to the Horowhenua Health Centre from Palmerston North. But another appointment has been made for the 6th of September 2011 at 1pm. I will be so fucked off with Mid Central Health if this one get cancel on me.
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