St Dominics - Day 4

Day 4

I got up about 8.30am, rolled myself a smoke and went outside to have it. After that I made myself a coffee and went back outside to have another smoke. My mood still wasn’t the best and all I wanted to do is go home and try and forget about my stay here at St. Dominic’s. I really hate it here now, I haven’t really got to relax nor get much sleep because of the fucking noise. I am over it; at home it is even quieter than what it is here. How do they expect anyone to relax or whatever if there is always noise around.

The fat pig (Tracey) and I keep having words. She will try and tell me what to do and I tell her to go get fucked. Then she would get shitty with me because I wouldn’t do what she wants me to do. Now I try and avoid her because I am at that point that I want to give one hell of a beating.

I am a bit scared of saying something because I am worried about it being held against me. I know that I am isolating myself and more than likely will be held against me. All I can hope that it isn’t.

I washed my washing and was about to hang it out when the staff member that was on in the homestead came out and said that the van was almost ready to leave. So I just left my washing in the bag out by the clothes line under the carport.

I got the 10.30am van into town and went for a look in the warehouse and ended up buying an address book and a pencil case for my colouring in pencils. I then walked over to countdown and got me three 1.5 litres of vanilla coke, two packs of chips and 6 chocolate muffins. All the muffins are now gone, still have the 2 packs of chips and half of the first bottle is gone. So I am not doing to badly. I’ve only have used two 1.5L of coke, 2 packs of chips and 2 bags of chocolate.

When I got back I put my stuff up in the room and went out and hung my washing up under the carport. I really wanted to hang them out on the outside line but sadly it was raining at the time.

For lunch we had bake beans on toast. It tasted yuck, and again I only ate it because I was hungry. The big fat pig started moaning and bitching at lunch time and all I wanted to do to her was kick the shit out of the fucking bitch and tell her she isn’t nothing more than a wide load and a big fat pig who moans and bitches and is worst than a possum stuck in a tree. I can’t believe I just compared her up with a possum, I think a possum is far better that her and that’s putting it nicely.

My mood is a lot lower than it was yesterday. I more than ever want to just walk out of here with all my stuff and find a way to get home, even if it meant me hitch hiking home, I would have done it. I am trying to hold out till Monday and I am hoping I am going home or that was the plan anyway. Fingers cross mental health hasn’t decided to keep me here to Wednesday. If that does happen, I most likely go crazy or insane but I may even go both crazy and insane together.

I spoke to Stephen a couple of times on the phone this afternoon. By the sound of his voice, he is really missing me heaps. I haven’t missed him as one thing; it has been missing home in general.

I just mucked around in my room or outside pretty much of the afternoon. The boredom had kicked well and truly in. Even thou I got stuff with me to do I am just not in the mood to do any of that stuff. The only thing I really did was start playing some music on the laptop and read some of my book that I was hoping to finish while I was here somehow I don’t I get it finish by the time I go home. 

For dinner we had meatloaf, beans, mash potatoes, and sweet potatoes and for dessert we had apple crumble with cream. I wasn’t overly fussed on it, I know I can cook meatloaf better than what we had for tea, it was like eating soft rubber. The apple crumble had no tasted what so ever and I couldn’t even taste the cream.

After dinner, I went outside for a smoke. Once I was finish, I just went up stairs to my room and watched movies on the laptop and played a few games on the laptop as well. It was more trying to take my mind away from feeling under the weather and wanting to go home. I am missing being able to do what I want when I want.

The staff member came up and said that I can go down stairs and sleep in bedroom 1; she took me down and showed the room to me. It is massive compared to the room I am in upstairs. I said yes that I will sleep down there for the night. I took my PJ’s, clean underwear, clean tee shirt, and shower stuff down and used the shower in that room. It was so nice and the water was a lot warmer than the night before.

 It didn’t take me long to go to sleep at all. I didn’t hear a thing. It was bliss being able to have at least one good night sleep while I am here. I remember seeing the first 5 minutes of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets and that was it.