I had my appointment with Maxine from mental health on the 16th of August 2011 at 1.30pm. Stephen came with me.
The appointment went ok. Maxine spoke to me about things I could do when I get upset, angry or just down in the dumps. I just said that I don’t get enjoyment out of anything at the moment and the things I do enjoy; I need to be in the right sort of mood.
Stephen did comment that I clean the house from top to bottom when my moods are really low. Maine did say that it is a good thing to do and it will help me in the long run.
She also spoke to me about needing time out. She suggested that I go into the bedroom and maybe put something onto the door saying something along the lines of please leave me alone.
While seeing Maxine I had a panic attack. I never said anything and I don’t think that Stephen and Maxine had notice. The attack had calm down by the time Stephen and I left thankfully.
She wants me to think about thing that I could do that might help me with the way I am feeling and with my depressions. She also made another appointment for me to see her on Tuesday 22nd of August at 1pm. She can’t make my appointment with Dr Mohamed Abdelhady at 2pm on Tuesday 22nd of August.
I noticed while in the appointment with Maxine that I started to get shitty. I don’t know if it was towards Maxine, Stephen or me, or maybe all three. I have been wondering if it is just frustration in general is kicking in. I know that I have been getting frustrated with myself a lot as I hate feeling the way I have been.
The last week has gone so slow for me. I haven’t got the energy to do anything and feel so exhausted mentally and physically. Even doing house work or taking a shower is a big effort these days.
Stephen has been in respite since Thursday 18th of August and be home on Tuesday 22nd of August. It sure has been quiet around home without him. I was lazy the whole weekend. I haven’t done much at all. I only did dishes, washing and cooked dinner for Selina and me. It has been nice to be able to have some me time for the weekend.
The last time I took Mirtazapine was on Wednesday night. I am at the point I really don’t want to take it as it is making me worst than I really am. Mood swings have been bad when I am taking the Mirtazapine but as soon as I stop taking it and within a couple of my mood swings aren’t anywhere near as bad. I will tell Dr Mohamed Abdelhady on Tuesday. I hope the fuck he will take note. But I won’t be holding my breath there.
I am not looking forward to my appointment with Dr Mohamed Abdelhady with what happen last time. Deep down I don’t want to show up to my appointment with him. I am happy to turn up to see Maxine. I most likely make up my mind after seeing Maxine and see what kind of mood I am in.
My sleeping over the weekend has been better than it has been but it could be a lot better too. Instead of getting a max of broke sleep of 3 hours a night, I been getting about 4 to 5 hours of broken sleep a night. Bit more is better than what I had been getting.
I have been having a fair few panic attacks over the last week. I think that has sucked some of energy out of me as well. I have no idea how to cope with the panic attacks. Maybe it is something that I need to speak to Maxine about.
Kelly and I went for a walk tonight to the money machine, countdown and KFC then home again. I was hoping that it would help to lift my mood but it didn’t which was a bit disappointing. I just felt like just cuddling up in bed and just watch TV. I am so worried because of my depression that I am going to get so lazy and just don’t want to get out of bed if I really didn’t have too.
I had a sore lower back for about 2 weeks and was thinking that it was caused by stress so I just brushed it off. In the end Stephen made me go to the GP. It turned out that my lower back pain was cause by a urine infection. Funny enough I didn’t have any other symptoms at the time. Since I went to the GP, the burning when passing and my bladder starts spamming from time to time. Thursday was the worst for spamming of the bladder as I was double up in pain for about an hour and a half. The last time I had an infection, I had no symptoms at all. I think being run down hasn’t helped the infection from clearing.
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